I have a modest proposal. Invite master comedian Chris Rock to moderate the first presidential debate. A world that treats beach volleyball as an Olympic sport should have no trouble embracing this. The first debate is scheduled for September 26 in New York and members of the chattering class are in a twist anticipating the coming tussles over the format and the moderator, especially the moderator.
Let’s forget all the usual network news suspects as moderators. Donald Trump will find or manufacture reasons to object to members of the news establishment. Hillary Clinton, who is more circumspect about unleashing in public her many resentments and suspicions, probably has a shorter list of moderators to be vetoed. But she has one, too.
Who, however, could object to a talented comedian to serve as ringmaster of what we know will be the first of a trifecta of national embarrassments in the run-up to our dismal November choice? Send in the pros to deal with the clowns.
Chris Rock is a national treasure. Moderating a presidential debate would seal his destiny as a Kennedy Center honoree in his dotage. He performed the extraordinary feat early this year as the successful emcee of the Oscars, a job in which many talented veterans have come to grief in front of a worldwide, so they insist, audience.
Rock’s Oscar opening, according to the New York Times, was “evenhanded without being wishy-washy.” Who could ask for more than that in a 90-minute debate that showcases two candidates who almost never answer the question they’ve been asked. There would be none of that with Chris Rock in the center seat.
Perhaps Rock could persuade Lady Gaga to repeat her Oscar telecast performance of “’Til It Happens to You,” a song from a documentary on the trials of sexual assault. In February, she sang surrounded by rape victims. This time Juanita Broaddrick, Paula Jones and Ivana Trump could join her. That ought to make candidates squirm as much as the public does each day of this dispiriting campaign.
Rock is a creative interviewer. A second break can include him conducting short interviews of traduced Trump University students and college officials who gave millions to Hillary Clinton to deliver her canned speeches. It would be a highlight and keep the audience engaged.
You going to get those jewels from Chuck Todd, Martha Raddetz or Gwen Ifill? Not likely, mate. Rock’s been a standup comedian for more than 30 years. He comes with a prodigious memory and can work without notes. You don’t reach Rock’s level of success without knowing how to put some barking audience member in his place.
A talent to deflate has not previously been thought essential in the presidential debates that began in 1960 with the storied confrontations of John Kennedy and Richard Nixon. This time is different than all that came before. Deference will take a holiday. Each candidate can be a hectoring liar in the face of hard truths. Neither would stand a chance of putting over their trademark nonsense with Rock in charge of launching epic follow-up questions.
The nation’s commentariat doubts that Trump will show up for one-on-one encounter with Clinton. He usually needs more foils and a large, raucous audience for his turns on the debate stage. Veteran columnist Byron York provided the most succinct description of the braggadocio real estate developer and steak salesman when he called him “strangely needy.” Trump would not be able to resist being part of a show with Rock as the ringmaster that reaches a record television audience.
Rock is an incisive observer and commentator of contemporary events and human nature. He is a lifelong challenger to the established order, unlike those two pretenders, the lying greedy New Yorker and the greedy lying New Yorker who would be sharing the stage. You want to see how your choices for president withstand the unexpected in front of the world? Give them 90 minutes with Chris Rock at Hofstra University on September 26.
