Tensions are high in our country today. Most people feel things are going badly and that they know who to blame. This means we all tend to dismiss things people say when they disagree with us. And sometimes it is even hard to keep from being angry with them. That is only human. If I am honest with myself, I have to admit that I often feel that way too. But we all have it within our power to make things better.
Instead of just demanding that our political leaders reach across the aisle in Congress, we can take it upon ourselves to reach across the street. Next time you see a post on social media that bothers you or you hear someone say something you think is wrong or even dangerous, try reaching out to that person rather than just turning away. Don’t give in to your anger and don’t block that person from your life. Try talking to the person who you think represents everything you despise.
I am not suggesting you give that person a big hug and sing “Soft Kitty” to make everything all right. You can hold to your principles and disagree. But try not to shut the person out of your life too quickly. And most importantly, consider that you might have something to learn from that person and that you can offer your insights in return.
This is especially important with friends and neighbors. If we take the passive-aggressive approach and refuse to talk to them about something they have said that bothers us, nobody wins.
And taking refuge in labels makes things worse. It is probably impossible (or at least very difficult) for us to completely avoid political and social labels. They are sometimes helpful shorthand for long, complex thoughts. And after careful study and long reflection, sometimes a political or social label makes sense. But labels can also get in our way, especially if we jump to embrace them too quickly. And they can contribute to building political and social barriers between people. When we decide too quickly that someone is a “socialist”, “communist,” “authoritarian,” “fascist,” or just “crazy,” we are actually just deciding to stop listening and thinking. Give someone the benefit of the doubt, at least for a while.
When we shut someone or someone’s point of view out, are we (if we are honest with ourselves) just a little bit frightened by what that person is saying, afraid that there might be some truth to it and that it would complicate our lives to have to take it into account? I think that is sometimes what motivates us. No one enjoys being challenged, and no one wants precious personal views to be put on the chopping block. It is safer for our egos to just turn away. We all want to feel safe, and our political and social views are part of what gives us our feeling of safety. We all want to protect our self-esteem and our feeling of self-importance.
Our country is becoming more divided every day, and many (not all) of our political leaders are making things worse by turning quickly to attacks, lies, and insults whenever they disagree with others. But “we the people” also have our own power. We can set a new course if we choose to do so. Instead of just complaining about Washington and calling for people in Congress to reach across the aisle, we can respond to someone on Facebook or Twitter without being sarcastic or insulting. We can disagree respectfully with a friend or a casual acquaintance. We can write a guest editorial for our hometown paper or write a letter disagreeing with something we have read in the paper.
We can be principled human beings who care about right and wrong without turning our backs on people who say things that irritate or threaten our sense of right and wrong. In the end, we may have to agree to disagree with someone. And in extreme cases, we might finally decide that someone is truly dangerous. Then and only then does it really make sense to push that person away.
I am not a saint. I don’t have all the patience in the world, and I hope I am honest enough to try to listen to what I am saying here. I have treated people unfairly before, and I have embraced my own biases and ignored challenges to them. I know I can do better. I think we all can. Each of us can make a difference.
